


It's an Endless Pit, Will

by sunflower_kid



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Aged up characters, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Brooding, Character Study, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt Nico di Angelo, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Nico brooding over Will, Nico di Angelo Feels, Nico missing Will, Post-Break Up, Protective Nico, Relationship Study, Sad Nico di Angelo, Sad Will Solace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26658508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_kid/pseuds/sunflower_kid
Summary: Nico desperately wants to forget about Will Solace, but it's really hard. (One-Shot)
Relationships: Nico di Angelo & Will Solace, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Comments: 6
Kudos: 105





	It's an Endless Pit, Will

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so- this may be a bit confusing, this fic kind of came to me weirdly with little planning, so let me try to explain a couple things before we start. (Don't worry, I'll make this quick.)
> 
> 1) In this story, [ToA spoiler] Jason is dead, following the canonical Trials of Apollo; but he dies later. I'd say Jason died about a month before this fanfiction begins.  
> 2) This means the characters are aged up. In this story, for reference, both Will and Nico are seventeen. (I've always seen Will as only a few months older than Nico.)  
> 3) Will and Nico are the same height in this fanfic. (I've always loved "cherryandsisters" interpretation, where Nico was shorter then Will when they were kids, but as they grow Nico gets taller.) Not an important component to the fic at all, but it's just so you know what I was imagining. Of course, you may do with this what you will.
> 
> That's all. Commence!

Two weeks, three days, one minute.

That’s how long it’d been since they broke up. Not that Nico had been obsessively keeping track. Cynically enough the time had started winding itself up in his head as a count down for Percy, estimating how long it would take his friend to drag him out of his disconsolate cave and force him to face the _sun_... So to speak.

Of course, that had already happened nine days ago, when Percy finally coerced him outside.

Nico had continued to count anyways.

It was hard to feel when the pictures which adorned the wall next to his bunk bed stared back at him with that same lucid grin he was trying so desperately to forgot. Hard to concentrate on anything that wasn’t the flickering green of the clock when his eyes blearily gazed upon buttery soft hair billowing in the wind. Hard to sleep when all he could see once he closed his eyes was a head resting leisurely on his chest as he ran his hand through that same hair. His finger tips tingled, as if the sensation was trying to reinvent itself to no avail. He formed a tight fist.

_No._ He had to stop this endless cycle of thought. In fact— fuck it. He was going to tear these pictures down right now.

With determination and some selfish urgency, Nico pushed his body upwards, grasping the edge of the nearest photo. It was of Will at the infirmary. Mid-morning sunbeams softly gazed down onto the distracted son of Apollo, already dressed in his light green scrubs with small adorning dots. Half of his blonde hair, glowing golden in the sunlight, was tucked back in a white barrette. That ear was where he usually kept his pen. His eyes, clearer then the bluest sky, put off an emotion that made Nico feel queasy. He was in the process of writing down patient notes on a clipboard, so his hand was slightly blurry with movement and it appeared he’d looked up right as the photo was snapped. Still, he gave a small quirk of his lips towards the camera.

The hand Nico had gripping the photo loosened considerably, suddenly afraid to crinkle it. Gritting his teeth in frustration, he let his form slam backward into his mattress, slowly sinking an inch. Even caught off guard Will was so— so—

_Not what Nico needed to think about right now._

He shoved himself sideways, back defiantly facing his wall of memories as his eyes fixed again on his digital bedside clock. 9:30 pm flickered on the small screen. The sullen bags under his eyelids wouldn’t be thanking him for this. Not that Nico cared.

_Will._ Gods, his voice was so appealing. How could someone manage to sound so silvery at times, while simultaneously producing the most commanding orders Nico had ever heard? _And he can’t even sing._ This thought would’ve produced a dry laugh if Nico’s mouth wasn’t pressed into a grimace.

He’d been thinking about going back to the Underworld for awhile, after everything...

He’d been thinking about running away from his problems again...

Still, the aroma of Will being near would never leave his consciousness, even if he took in the pungent smells of his father’s home. Will’s hair always gave off a pinch of daffodil and honey, caused by his shampoo. His clothes, especially after hours in the infirmary, were hinted with the lemon cleaner they used to sterilize the equipment. Mixed together these scents played too well with each other. They made the action of wrapping Will up in his arms that much more satisfying. He’d always loved when he could feel the ends of Will’s curls tickle his nose. A ghost of the sensation washed over him now.

_What was wrong with him?_ He shouldn’t be like this. He should be— _angry_. He should raise the dead around every one of those entitled Apollo children who took it upon themselves to give him an even glare every time they saw him pass. He should be giving the entire camp a reason not to mess with him... Not to blame him for Will’s tears... Nobody was scared of him anymore. He should be proving all of them wrong.

Yet all he could do was limply swoon the past. Like he was still staring into those crystal blue eyes, lost in the deepness of the color, unable to escape. Or his freckles, sprinkled across his skin like puffs of powder, each one begging Nico to caress Will’s face.

He’d never be able to pull himself out of this void of a dream, even if he wanted to. He wasn’t even sure he did.

Just like that his clock flashed 10:00 pm. Emotionlessly, Nico swung his feet over the edge of his bed, slouching into a sitting position. He gripped the sheets next to him with vigor. His clothes were strewn across the floor. Plates and soda cans scattered in piles from the times his friends had brought him food to eat. He’d been skipping a lot of meals recently. Vaguely, he wondered if Will had noticed. The thought made his shoulders drop that much more.

A large black hoodie peaked out from where it had been shoved under his bed. He’d bought it awhile ago without much thought. The only design on the thing was the white flower logo of the band La Dispute. It’s specific longing importance to Nico was solely because of Will. He’d loved stealing that hoodie. During the winter Solace practically lived in it. In fact...

Timidly, Nico reached down, grasping the fabric in his hand. The material was rough from being over worn. He placed it loosely in his lap. It crumpled together like crinkling aluminum foil. Then, with a slowness you’d use to approach a skittish animal, he lifted the cotton to his nose and inhaled.

Nico recoiled with a gag when the unexpected scent of something spoiled entered his senses. A betrayed feeling quickly washed over him. There was nothing left of Will in the lining of the fabric. There should’ve been. He should’ve been able to feel Will’s skin when he touched the sweater. To _smell_ that the boy had worn it so many times before. At least then he’d be able to live with himself, just for a little while longer. But he couldn’t.

He pelted the hoodie across the room, watching it slide down the wall and form another heap on the ground. He was being a selfish idiot. Why should he deserve anything that even smelled like Will? He didn’t deserve the boy in the first place, much less a parting gift.

Still, part of him just wanted to disappear into his own pitiful imagination...

Nico’s eyes traveled across his calloused hands which he held meaninglessly in front of his face. His pale skin appeared stunted from the lack of sunlight in his cabin. His slender fingers curled in on themselves slightly, the short fingernails of his thumbs jagged on the edges from biting. These cold, dead things had been intertwined with Will Solace’s. He almost didn’t believe it anymore.

He still remembered exactly how he’d felt during his and Will’s first kiss. It had occurred just about four years ago. He’d already been buzzing with a strange energy, which started in the pit of his stomach and climbed it’s way up his throat, fueled by the way Will’s eyes seemed to glow a golden blue when lit by the fire. Once people started departing for the night, Will walked Nico back to the Hades cabin, both laughing lightly about something stupid. It was then, turning to say goodnight to each other, when Nico felt a wave of sudden impulse hit him as their eyes locked.

They’d stared awkwardly for what felt like hours, unsure if the thick air of sudden tension was felt across the two of them. When this was confirmed by the way both their faces practically turned into tomatoes, hesitation creeped in, unconfident they knew what to do about this. Nico had swallowed the building lump in his throat as a deeper redness stained his neck. He was on the verge of turning around and heading straight for his cabin’s door...but something kept his feet tightly in place. He didn’t want to leave, for once. He wanted to know where this would go.

And then, apprehension pushed away first, as usual, Will timidly leaned forward.

The kiss was short, but it didn’t feel like it. In fact, the moment Will’s soft, nervous mouth touched Nico’s, it was like time didn’t exist anymore. Will’s lips were warm and smooth. They pressed against his with a hidden shyness, heating his own chapped mouth like a fire roasting a marshmallow. For a moment, Nico’s brain short circuited, entire body stiffening in surprise. In the next his eyes were slipping shut as he felt himself lightly lean into the boy in front of him, one hand instinctively (and perhaps a bit awkwardly) placing itself on Will’s shoulder. His pounding heart became a dull ache in the back of his mind as the taste of s’mores graced his senses. He must’ve been visibly melting.

And just like that, it was done. As Nico stood there, utterly entranced, Will took a step backwards and shyly tugged at his fingers. “Well, goodnight.” He’d said, face flushed, unable to bite back the wide smile which tugged at his cheeks. Then he walked away.

Nico frowned at the memory. That had been years ago. They weren’t kids anymore. Even if he longed for a chance to experience that night again, it wouldn’t be the same. Not after he—

Still, he couldn’t stop his hands from lightly trembling.

But this is how it was meant to be. Will deserved better than the mental strain Nico had caused him over the course of their relationship. He deserved to move on. Nico, on the other hand, was destined to a life of solitude. Sometimes, you just have to accept your place in the universe.

Besides, everything comes to an end eventually. Better now then later down the line when he fucks up like always and shatters the only person he’s ever loved. Or worse— gets Will killed.

Solace has always been too good for this world. Nico fits right in.

A soft knock startled him back to reality. Muscles tensing, Nico stared at the dark wood of his cabin’s door. Who could— his shoulders sagged at a realization. Only one person would knock on his door this late and it was Percy. Nico’s eyes lingered over his tossed sweatshirt. Jackson could be a welcome distraction, if he wasn’t here to confront Nico about his recent reclusive state... Even so, it’d be fairly easy to slam the door on the son of Poseidon’s face.

Shoving himself up with some sluggish effort, Nico trudged towards the front door and opened it.

“Percy—” Nico began instinctively, until he saw who stood outside the doorframe.

It was Will, staring at him with a heart wrenching sort of urgency.

Will’s eyes were an awful shade of blue, like shattered stained glass. His usually bright blonde hair was somehow void of it’s typical light, looking an almost pale white in the moonlight, un-combed to an uncharacteristic extent. His clothes consisted of a disheveled t-shirt which cheesily read “Future Paediatrician!”, and green board shorts, colors sucked away by the surrounding darkness.

Nico could feel his pulse reawaken like he had just been shocked with a defibrillator and brought back from the dead. His eyes widened, fingers still clutching the door knob, blood running cold. He found himself suddenly extremely aware of his own unkempt appearance. No doubt he was a sight to see. Not like Will, who, even in his state now, could never be anything less then—

Nico bit the inside of his cheek, averting his eyes. It’s not like that anymore.

_This is my fault._ He told himself, grimacing. _I’m the reason he isn’t his normal self._ The thought left a cold pit in his stomach.

“I-I know what you said.” Was the first thing that escaped Will’s mouth. His chest tightened. “And I love you.”

Nico’s head whipped upwards and Will cut through him with intensity. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak the son of Apollo held up a hand.

“Just let me talk, okay?” Will said, sounding determined, if not a little nervous. It seemed like whatever he planned to say was slipping his mind. One of his hands wrapped around his forearm in trepidation. “I want to be with you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. And that’s my choice.”

“Will—” Nico tried.

“Just wait a second!” Will cut in, suddenly angry. His eyes brimmed with tears that had probably been there longer then Nico would have known. “You can’t just- just tell me what you _think_ is good for me! You can’t end a relationship because you _think_ it’ll turn out bad for me! That’s- that’s not fair. I love you, okay? So- so- so-”

Nico reached forward on an impulse, placing his thin hand on Will’s warm cheek. The healer looked up, gaze glistening, face flush. His skin was as soft as Nico’s touch remembered. His fingertips tingled. He could feel Will’s gentle breath grazing his wrist.

For a moment, Nico forgot everything that had occurred over the past two weeks. In the next, he was pinched awake. Curling his fingers inward, he swiped his hand back. _Idiot._

A hurt expression crossed Will’s features as he flinched away in response to Nico’s quick action. He bit down on his bottom lip, breaking eye contact to cast his gaze off to the side.

“If you still stand with what you said before, I respect your decision.” His words were low and cracked as he spoke them. “I just wanted you to know that I can make my own choices. You never forced me to stay in this relationship, Nico. I was with you because I wanted to be and I-I loved you. _I still love you..._ ”

Nico felt the dull ache of yearning that had been building in his chest these past weeks quickly grow into something terribly painful. _I still love you too._ The words ghosted on the front of his lips, but all he could do was wordlessly stare.

Will didn’t understand. It wasn’t— it wasn’t that simple. But how does someone express this in words? How does someone express this to a person they love?

He watched as Will’s fingers tugged at the end of his t-shirt. He did that sometimes when he was nervous and didn’t know where to put his hands. In the past, Nico had offered his own hand to squeeze. That didn’t seem appropriate now.

Will didn’t dare look up. Nico's mind raced for the proper sentence.

"I can—"

"Stop." Nico suddenly managed. Will spared a glance, staying silent.

_What?_ What was he going to say? He had nothing... but he knew he didn't want Will to leave. Even just being near him was a comfort in itself. The thought of having to say goodbye again was almost too much for his lungs to take. _Selfish._ He was so selfish. Maybe he should just shadow travel to the underworld now. Maybe he should just—

Nico didn't realize he'd taken a frightened step backwards until Will reached out and grabbed his hand. His eyes were wild in thought, matching Will's sudden calculated look, as if he finally understood something important. Brows creased, Will's melting grip tightened, sending a calming chill down Nico's spine. He didn't pull away.

"You are not bad for me, Nico." Will said seriously, stare fixed.

"You don't understand. Everybody close to me... They all—" Nico swallowed, shaking his head as he felt the lump welling up in his throat. "After... After Jason..." Will's shoulders dropped slightly. "I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want you to be sucked down with me. It's an endless pit, Will. Endless."

"I don't care."

Nico could already feel the unwanted teardrops threatening to spill. He was never one to cry easily or often, but when Will was around it was like all his emotional barricades were hacked down. "You should." He muttered dejectedly.

Will let go of Nico's hand, bringing both his palms up to softly rest on either side of the son of Hades' face. They were closer then they had been just a moment ago. The familiar smell, daffodils, honey, and lemon cleaner, graced Nico once again.

"I don't." Will spoke softly. _Sincerely._ He was good at that.

So good that Nico couldn't turn away. _Fuck his brain._ His hands fell to the back of Will's head, taking in another unmatchable sensation he'd missed so much.

A silent, detached tear slipped down his cheek. Their foreheads connected, chests exchanging heart rates. He felt as if he was being limply washed away by high tide, sea foam filling his mouth while the morning sun began to rise over the horizon. He felt alive.

" _I don't care._ " Will murmured, one last time, as Nico leaned forward.

**Author's Note:**

> If it pleaseth thou, comment and kudos.


End file.
